I’m only posting here because of one simple reason… the fact that I don’t have a “best friend” or a family member that I feel comfortable talking to about all of this. I’ve come to realize just this year how much I’ve moved around in my life. First from Korea to Vancouver then to Yakima, and now Kent/Renton. I wonder how different my life would be if I hadn’t moved so much.
The group of friends I made this past year were probably the closest thing I would call “best friends.” We would hang out all the time and have a good laugh. Up until May 2012 I felt like my life was pretty decent for the first time in a while. I had great friends, a girlfriend and a stable home life. It wasn’t until my girlfriend broke up with me that I began to see how wrong I was. It’s been about 3 months since the breakup and to be honest, I can’t really explain how I feel. I still have moments when I think back to all of the things that I’ve done with her and I keep replaying all the scenes where things could have gone wrong and I just feel like complete shit. When we first broke up, I talked to my group of friends about it. As time passed by, I guess I became more detached to my group of friends. And here’s the thing that just tears me up inside whenever I think about it… my ex-girlfriend basically replaced me in my group of friends. I feel like complete shit whenever I think about it and to be honest I don’t know how to cope with it. I’ve detached myself too much from my friends to just waltz back in and make up with everyone, including her. I’ve just been occupying myself with movies and video games to keep my mind off of things, but the thought of her with my friends just keeps reoccurring. I remember reading an article in my school’s newspaper about how you shouldn’t be occupying yourself with a significant other during high school because there are better things to do and most end bad. I thought to myself, “what a load of bs, I’m perfectly fine.” Know that I look back, that article was right. I need this time right now to mold my character and find out what I want to do in life. I don’t need anyone else, what I need is to be selfish. High school is such a joke, it’s come to the point where I don’t care what people think about me or what I do because I won’t see them ever again in my life. These past 3 months I’ve noticed just how fake and needy of attention people are. Whether it be posting stupid random shit on social media sites or just being a shady person in general, I’ve honestly had enough. I’ve also realized how shitty my “best friends” have been to me. They wouldn’t accept me for who I was and gave me the cold shoulder in the most bitchiest ways ever. I’m just going to live for myself from now on. Fuck everyone else.
I wish I had someone to tell this to, but unfortunately I don’t. There is so much more to say but I’m too lazy. I needed to let this out…it’s been in my head for too long.
I’m probably gonna take down this post in a month when I’m in the same situation and decide to post on tumblr lolol
I don’t really like the feel of Tumblr or the people on here but this was the most convenient place to write about how I felt, so why not.
It’s absolutely amazing how fast it seems that you’ve moved on, like the past 5 months were nothing. It hurts to see that and how I’m still sulking in the shadows. It’s kinda pathetic on my part. I was able to get over everyone else before you sooner or later, and I’m hoping that’s the case here. I lost respect for you and I’m not sure if we can even be friends. I hope you’re happy with the decision you made. Bitch.
It’s been a while since I posted here. A lot can happen in a year. I’ve come to realize that people come and go in your lives and that the best thing to do when you’re young and still trying to figure out yourself is to be selfish and look out for yourself. A year ago, I was posting about this one girl that I liked and how I could never obtain her, and here I am a year later in a similar situation. I gave my all to you, for 5 months and you utterly just crush me and my feelings without feeling any disregard. You were the first person that I fully opened up to. All those memories that you said you didn’t regret and that you’d keep dear are nothing but a pitiful reminder to me of my own foolish faults. Now I fully understand that the only people I need in my life are myself and family, because it seems that they’re the only ones that are dependable and have genuine care for you. Hopefully, a year from now, things will be different.
